Presiding wedding official (curiously dressed in brewer’s boots and jeans): “Dearly Beloved Beer Lovers. We are gathered here today to join a beautiful barrel with this amazing amber ale. Do you Quercus alba take this heaven-sent Firestone Walker Ale to have and to hold, in sickness and in health?”
A stunning sexy shiny brand new American oak barrel answers:
“I have longed for this day since I was a tiny little oaky seedling. So, for better or worse, I do.”
Brewer with filling wand in hand:
“You may now kiss the bride.” (Brewer begins filling the empty barrel.)
Later, the newly joined Mr. and Mrs. Firestone Walker Double Barrel Ale dance together as husband and wife for the first time as Aaron Neville and Linda Ronstadt tearfully croon:
I don’t know much
But I know I love you
And that may be
All I need to know …
Amid a flurry of cheers, the stunning oaky bride and her new ale husband are sent off to honeymoon where they will slumber together for one week. She’ll lavish him with drying tannic kisses as he softly bathes her inner staves with an intoxicating caramel wash. Their consummated union will soon nurture stubby, little brown progeny sent out into the world as striking examples of a marriage made in heaven. And with each sip, the world will confirm what the brewers already knew—Quercus alba and ale can indeed be suitable life partners, and Firestone Double Barrel Ale showcases this with stunning clarity.
