Ten Reasons Craft Beer Is Not Macho
Quien es mas macho? Not craft beer geeks, that’s for darn sure. Beer on the whole has developed a reputation as a blue-collar, hard-charging, manly-man drink. Testosterone on tap. Clearly mass-market beers and their mass marketing campaigns featuring the not-so-wide-gamut from tough (and most interesting) men to water-fountain catfighting hotties hype this image. But have you seen the craft beer crowd? Among the menfolk, beneath those grizzly tats and beards, they’re about as tough as a tea party just shy of pinkies jutted in the air. Let’s compile a list of ways in which the men of craft beer decidedly lack in machismo.
1. They record notes about each beer they’ve enjoyed in a notebook.
2. They revere monks. Monks who’ve taken a vow of chastity.
3. Macho beer comes in 18-pack suitcases. Craft beer increasingly comes in dainty 4-pack carriers.
4. Ever hear a BMC drinker talk about their industrial lager’s aroma let alone sit there for minutes as their beer warms up, their nose lingering by the rim?
5. Tulip glasses.
6. They sip, never chug. When’s the last time you saw a dude shotgunning Ten Fidy?
7. Crap beer comes out of wide-mouth cans or Vortex bottles. Craft beer comes out of a bunghole and we like it that way.
8. They display no temerity in ordering a fruit beer.
9. They use cellar as a verb.
10. Think “Hophead” sounds macho? Well, Deadheads wear tie dye and patchouli oil. Then came Phishheads, Jimmy Buffett’s Parrotheads, and even Rush Limbaugh has his Dittoheads. Besides, where’s the virility in brewer’s droop?
What do you think? Is craft beer actually on the manly side or does its grace keep it on the delicate side? What do you think makes it steer clear of Macho Country?
You cannot claim that a beer is manly when it is the preferred beer of teenage girls and frat boys in button down shirts with the sleeves rolled up to their forearms.
Your argument is invalid.
A point by point debate is pointless. Well said, Phelps. Those who remain suckers of the mass marketed beers are just missing out.
Maybe you should rethink your definition of what a man is, especially since you seem so enamored of quantity (an 18-pack is inherently better than a 4-pack, regardless of the quality? No way.) and make references shotgunning — a great way to get drunk, not to necessarily enjoy what you are drinking.
Meanwhile, drink what you enjoy drinking and pay no attention to what other people think about what you drink. So what if that idiot at the end of the bar doesn’t think it is manly to enjoy a craft beer? He’s not the one drinking it or paying for it. I work for my money and will spend it on what I enjoy, thank you very much.
Craft beer is indeed not macho, but machismo is but a bad parody of manliness, displayed by teenagers who worry about their masculinity and adults who failed to grow out of that phase. A man who orders a fruit beer does not worry about being perceived as a real man, he simply is one.